i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
