i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
