chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
