This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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