I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Farmville is her only friend.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
try to milk me bitch
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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