Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
