Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
