omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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