So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
