There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
