rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
