He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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