I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
