Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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