Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
