I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
