talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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