billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
