They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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