I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
