Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
