I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
