I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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