and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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