Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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