I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
