Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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