Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
