what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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