Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
