I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she looked like the before picture.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
