she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
