oh fat girl friday strikes again...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
