Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Houston, we have a squirter
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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