the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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