you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
