Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
