So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
her facebook's as public as her vagina
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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