I think im going to throw up on grandma
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
