i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
