Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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