Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
