Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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