I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just tell him i said nine months
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
