she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
