Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
