when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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