let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
