Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
