Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
